Conservative Refocus

By Barry Secrest

It’s happened to us all, at least at some point.

On any given Saturday morning, as you’re finishing your morning coffee, a very nice, late-model car will glide smoothly up your driveway.  You notice a movement, or perhaps a sun-glint from the corner of your eye outside the window.  You glance up from your paper to see what the commotion is.

You frown.  Several well-dressed individuals, often multi-racial, unfold themselves from their vehicle. Then, much like polite alien visitors, a group smile-rictus appears almost grimacingly on their faces, as they slither their way non-threateningly up the sidewalk towards the entrance of your home. You bang your coffee cup down and stand up, glancing irritatingly at the clock:  Who are these people invading my Saturday morning time and what in the hell do they want?

You think about the fact that you still have your lounging clothes on as the doorbell rings.  An inner-debate flashes through your thoughts about hiding behind the counter–but hope quickly fades that this unwanted interest will disappear, as the doorbell rings again– meanwhile, a pair of dark eyes peer quizzically through the door’s side-light, pinning you where you stand. Resolutely, you make your way towards the foyer sarcastically hoping that modern-day home invaders haven’t suddenly adopted a dress-code.

You open the door and are greeted warmly if not responsively, “good morning” (sir or ma’am)– often with a distinctive foreign accent–"we were wondering if you had a moment to talk, just briefly, about something that we feel could greatly improve your life.” The possibilities of what you’re being offered (door to door) begins flashing through your thoughts–maybe–vacuum cleaners, Tupperware, Amway, girl scout cookies, lingerie parties (Hmm…), what answer might I provide that will pleasantly and [quickly] remove these irritating sojourners from my life?

As you ponder the possibilities a hand sling shots out, tightly clutching a brochure.

“Have you ever heard of Watch Tower?”

“Huh? You’re selling watches [sarcasm]?”

The leering smiles appear again, as another mechanical alien steps forward, amiably: “No, we’re from Watch Tower.”

At this point, especially if you live in the South, you know where this is headed already.

“Oh!  So, you’re Jehovah’s Witnesses, aren’t you?”

The group smile falters, eyebrows momentarily furrow in doubt; however, composure is quickly regained as if in a Borg-like group response, from “Star Trek” they drone, “yes,” in unison.

You restrain the urge, at this point, to respond in a mechanically nasal voice, “Well, take- me- to- your- leader.”

But, you already know the basics of this cult–the NY City based Ponzi scheme to Heaven, a pyramid marketing group selling tickets to the afterlife.  Watch Tower was actually listed by Newsweak in 2001,  as one of the top fifty wealthiest companies in New York city with revenues of almost $ 1 Billion.

The tip-top of the group becomes the penultimate 144,000–those who will be saved and swept to heaven via a comet tail, or wait, is it an alien Mother ship? Actually it’s neither–you will be caught up in the air and rocketed straight through the pearly gates, leaving all the cash you were responsible for gathering at the alter as you flash by.

Well, okay, that was before they figured out, earlier on in the century, that in order to swell their membership ranks, the 144,000 needed to be…er, re-ciphered.  So, the elect set to a bit of Brooklyn-styled  brain-storming and came up with what is called “The Great Multitude” who would live on Earth, after Armageddon, and who were not a part of the initial 144,000, not sure how that works for the 144,000 who’ve already died–but “what difference, at this point, does it make?"….

Continue Reading/The Research

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